So the day came, and thankfully I had many other things to occupy my mind before the afternoon. The morning was rushed, While I was busy cleaning my car, concentrating on the things I thought are important to make an impression. I received a text, the time had changed to 6pm, but the venue remained the same. I should not have really had had an issue with this, because logistically speaking it was a goldmine. I think the idea just did not work for me. It was in hindsight, an act of God. Giving me extra time to prepare and work on the crucial aspect of what I would truly be judged, not the image, but the substance. Leaving just after 5pm, I wanted time to pass, so that my departure time was not too soon, showing my keenness for the task ahead, but instead well timed to arrived just before the others (as so often has been the case). The motorway journey was relatively clear and I made good progress. My choice of music was predictable, by thinking about it now, Leave A Light On by Berlinda Carlisle would have been much more appropriate. That is another story, let me return to the A40, on this Sunday evening. As I pulled off the A-road, the traffic had increased, with a few drivers, venturing out for the first time in the week, and driving at the over caution 50 miles an hour. Coming up the slip road, I noted a group of girls in a Renault Clio behind me. They were around late teens, singing along to the songs on the radio. I looked back and caught the eye of the driver, in my rear view mirror and just smiled. That helped, someone to easy my nerves. I kept an eye on them, purely to try to discover what they were singing along to. It was too late, the lights turned green and I drove up across onto the roundabout. I was at my destination. Yesterday, I had even considered taking the major detour of going across the roundabout and coming back up the other slip road to avoid all the congestion which always seems to over come this spot. Never mind, it was not as if I had far to travel. Taking a u turn across the roundabout and heading back north onto the slip road back to the A40. Turning off just before the Total petrol station, I drove across and parked up. Switching off the engine, then the stereo, I took a deep breath. This was it. Getting back into my car, I felt strange. Feelings that I have not felt for a long time, if ever before for that matter. How can I summarise this into words for this blog? Misguided and empty. Your mind saying one thing, being the voice of reason as it always should be and your heart saying something completely different, even though you know what you long for is far far out of reach. My concentration faded and I just wanted to go and sleep. Have you ever had a moment, a moment that you had waited for but came about unexpectedly and you didn’t know how to deal with it? You said what you did because you felt it had to be said. Not because you felt there was a need to cover old ground but purely to underline, re-iterate your rock solid position. From my experience, there are those people who’ve already made up their minds, the remainder

Pulling into Wycombe, after filling my car with diesel, I really wondered what my next steps would be. Looking at the night sky dimming, I felt as lonely as the moon in the purple sky. Slowly it came to surface that I had a job to do. Something to occupy my time, that would take attention away from the topic at hand and instead focus all my efforts on the project in hand. Did I need any greater motivation? As I came home there were the signs of Sunday evening, all around. My Dad asleep on the sofa, my Mum busy cleaning in the kitchen and getting clothes ready for the working week. My sisters were upstairs, one in her room, the other in the bathroom. I came into my room and sank onto my bed. Looking around, I grabbed my mobile. Nav had replied to my text, he was online, waiting to speak to me. I felt a warmth surround me and switched on my PC. Rarely would I be on so late on a Sunday evening, but there were other more pressing tasks to undertake than sleep. Particularly when the future of one man, still to this day hangs in the balance. A time for deeds, not words. You only truly appreciate your friends when you are on the ropes. Severely battered and bruise, but never out for the count, it is your friends, your true friends that come to your aid, to heal these wounds. So this blog entry is dedicated firstly to all my friends that were online tonight, Nav, Sippy and Emma. Sure, the topic of conversation must be getting quite strained recently and I would not be surprised if I was blocked by many people for that reason alone. Yet, when I needed them most they were there and listened to what I had to say, did not pass judgment and just left those small ounces of advice that you need to see you through and never close the door at that point. They stay to let you realise the deeper side to friendship, beyond trust, mutual respect and companionship. Knowing when to comment and when to stay silent. The perfect moment to introduce a new but nevertheless supportive friend, Pooja. You may have noticed her leaving comments on my blog recently. She is a high school student from across the water, and we got in touch, when I stumbled upon her blog. While it may lack quantity, it makes up in detail. I think I can truly say that I have found a dedicated, the most dedicated fan of my blog. To the extent, where she obtains the songs I have been mentioning and enjoys them for herself and her own personal moment. Don’t believe me? There is some truth, somewhere. She describes it as an area to vent out her frustration and steam about her world. I tend to agree with her, that music is the one thing that can get you through. Walking away. Never knew my blog affecting someone read my blog in that way. Just proves that writing this online journal sometimes, just sometimes bears some meaning to the life of another person, thousands of miles away, leading a completely different life. Something tells me they will have to be releasing songs at a desperate rate, to catch up with the roller coaster emotional ride I have had this weekend. If you include the final Star Wars movie, I’ve experienced every human emotion known to man. What do I need? I need a long Bank Holiday weekend to recover from all this. Shame there is little time, I have plenty work to be getting on with. Oh, the strains of modern life.